Tears
by Sora no Hoshi
Summary: -ONESHOT- No one saw L cry when Kira died. ::shounen-ai, LRL:: -Based on live-action ending-


Challenge: Deathfic involving one of the central subjects of the story. Must be exactly 2008 words long. Everything else is up to the author.

A/N: Challenge-fest continues! So, um, apparently we're going with whoever finds a good challenge first, so this is another one from my friend. Yes, I said that I'm going to move away from the angst-fest, but I can't help it that this is a deathfic, and most deathfics (if not all) are pretty much angst. I told her that if she can write a happy deathfic, I'll worship her forever.

Pairing: LRaito or RaitoL

Summary: -ONESHOT- No one saw L cry when Kira died Based on live-action ending

Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

Warning: Character death, spoilers, shounen-ai (boyxboy)

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

**Edit**: Apparently, thanks to Backup, I realized that in the live-action, Ukita is the one that lived while Mogi died. I wasn't really sure, and when I looked it up I first saw that Ukita's the one that died (which he did, but not in live-action), so I used that. I changed it now. I apologize for the wrong information and thanks to Backup (who never left contact information for me to thank him/her with) for the correction.

**Tears**

What really concluded the sadness of the soul are the tears on the faces of the people who mattered.

Amane Misa, who knew the truth all along, never responded to anyone for three days and nights, her tears perpetually flowing down her beautiful cheeks. Yagami Soichirou, who never believed until the very end, knows his responsibility and only cried when he's supposed to be sleeping. Yagami Sachiko and Sayu, who never knew the truth, shed pure tears of mourn for their lost son and brother, respectively. Matsuda Touta was the only one of the former members of the Kira investigation team that openly and quite loudly shed tears of remorse not because of his death death, but identity. The others, Ukita Hirozaku and Aizawa Shuichi, stayed strong and showed their sorrow only with the pain in their eyes reflecting the grief felt for the tragic Yagami family.

L Lawliet never shed a tear. Not for Watari, not for Mogi, and not for Kira. People who knew him brush it off as a part of his personality, his aloofness for and the lack of any show of emotion. And that would have been the case, if it was any other criminal that died. If it wasn't Kira.

They all knew that Kira was special. He was a special criminal, with a special killing method, a special mindset, and a special connection to a world not meant to exist to human beings. He was special to everyone.

Especially to L.

No one knew. It's not something the two displayed openly, even to each other. What they had between them was silent, but constant. Amane Misa was effectively misleading and unknowingly kept their already hidden relationship even more veiled.

It's not that L had no tears to shed for his lost love. He just refused to cry. Kira, they all knew, was a strong presence. He was cunning, clever, and manipulative, weaving his way through everyone in order to get what he wants. His death might have been sudden and necessary, but his existence demanded strength, and it was something L and L alone understood.

And deep down, he already knew that Raito was Kira, no matter the traces found that contradicts thus. There was just not enough evidence to make everyone else believe the same. But he didn't stop the relationship from happening. There was something pulling him in, making him submit to this strange bond that had neither a beginning nor an ending.

They never spoke much about their silent relationship. It wasn't even certain how it was started. No words of endearment were exchanged, and no confessions were given. It was a silent and obscure start, with an ambiguous ending. In the span of the time they spent together and the few words they exchanged in a battle of wits, they understood each other perfectly.

And that was that.

It was during a particular night when they were alone together in front of many screens that L finally started up and said something that no one expected him to say.

"_L Lawliet." _He had said offhandedly, conversationally, looking only at the screen. _"That's my real name."_

It was probably the first and only act of endearment that he had ever given to his unofficial boyfriend.

In return, Raito had replied, without looking at L, _"Kira."_ He had responded with equal nonchalance. _"That's not really my name, but that's what everyone who doesn't know me calls me."_

"_I know."_

And that was it. No more was said, and the next night alone together, L had pulled out a notebook, one that wasn't supposed to be in his possession. Raito had done the same.

"_There's no way this is going to work."_ One of them had said, but neither was sure which one.

And they understood. There was no way anything could work the way they are now. In the same sense, they knew there was really only one solution.

There wasn't a discussion exchanged between them, and neither tried to convince the other to do or not do.

Rem was with Misa, who was sent away; Ryuuk was nowhere near, and the rest of the team were either home or elsewhere. Neither of them thought it was important how thing turned out as long as it turned out.

_This is the last obstacle that separates us, and I hope that nothing can ever break us apart again._

There were no words exchanged between them.

People said the same things every day. Let's die together, they would say, like Romeo and Juliet. We'll never be apart. We'll meet in the afterlife. But for them, it's on a completely different level.

In that time between today's sunset and tomorrow's sunrise, two people picked up two pens at the same time. Two black notebooks in front of them were flipped open, and in a soft silence, scribbling could be heard. The sound of pen against paper filled the space between them with a mutual understanding that could not be achieved with anyone else added or substituted into the equation. There wasn't a single person other than themselves who can match wit for wit and thought for thought without fail. The knowledge that the other person was thinking exactly the same thing could only be had between them. The lack of a need for a conversation to maintain a mutual understanding on their level of intelligence was unmatched.

And it was because they understood that that they wrote without hesitance or pause, knowing exactly what the other wrote.

Some people, if they knew, would think how funny it was for two unrelated people to be so in synch with each other, so comfortable with the other's knowledge that they wouldn't have to worry about betrayal. And having acted the role of a good son and student since he found the Death Note, Raito can perfect the following act without fail. L can say and do whatever he wants with the same expression on his face, and his bangs had the tendency to cover his eyes at the most convenient times. Equally, they understood that the scenario will work, because they thought of a million steps ahead already. They thought how each person on their sides would act and planned accordingly. It's like a chess game where two people sat to the side of the board instead of in front of their own side, even though they are still moving pieces of different colors.

_Even if you kill me, even if the world crash down around us, I still cannot help loving you._

When L was done (Raito had been done for some time), they closed the notebooks and exchanged them with each other, knowing full well what was written in them.

For what could be written in a Death Note but death itself?

And death it was. As they sat next to each other talking about the fate of a certain girl who has neither the intelligence nor the witty mindset to match theirs, they are fully aware of their approaching death, intentionally conversing in ways that the shinigami beside them would hear. Rem left after a while, and it was so obvious what she was going to do. And foolish of her, too, to do exactly what they had expected she would do.

In their last moments together, neither said anything endearing, and there were no parting words of love and care. But it was as if a million words were hovering in the silence between them, silently transferring to each other words that could not be said.

There were no complaints. What complaints were there, after all, to be had? No other fate could have brought the two together; without Kira, L would not have to work with the Yagami Soichirou. Without the Death Note, there would never have been a Kira. If there hadn't been a Kira as smart as L and an L as smart as Kira, they would have never met face to face, talked, and became acquainted with each other's intelligence and existence.

They didn't have more than a single minute to speak to each other. Exactly forty-five seconds. They both knew, and they both counted each precious second in each other's presence.

L acted perfectly. Seemingly void of emotion all the time, whenever he acted otherwise, it became very convincing. He had knelt slowly, as if struggling but failing to stay standing, as Raito stood over him with a well-placed smirk, looking down at him, confident eyes hiding the pain of losing not only L but himself as well.

It was later when Misa came that Raito let himself leave L's side, and when he smiled for Misa, there was no genuine joy. True, he never really smiled at Misa, but this time, there wasn't even a true smile of triumph of a scheme well planned.

It's funny, how fate decides only to put together two who must part in such a way. Years ago, Yagami Raito had never thought of a future in which he must plan his own death for the sake of not only himself but also someone else, and L Lawliet had never anticipated to have lived a life that is to be sacrificed in such a way and for such a lovingly tragic reason. For some reason, it is so hard to comprehend, but it is the only way.

And strangely enough, if they weren't both so intelligent, so clever, so understanding of each other, they would have never thought of it.

They would never have had the need to think of it.

They would never have had to choose this ending.

But there was no other way. It just so happened that everything happened like this, so everything must end this way. That is why they decided to cherish their last moment together. It was terrible, they both knew, to let themselves be led around by a black book of death. But if it was not done, neither of them would be able to let go of the horrible feeling they held for having to continue playing a game that won't end.

And as they spoke to each other with each member of the Kira investigation team around them, acting out the perfect role, they remembered why they were able to meet in the first place.

To start and end the same way was probably the greatest blessing that this tragic pair could have.

Kira had looked directly into L's eyes.

_Even if I kill you…_

And L had responded with an equally firm look.

_Even if I kill you…_

Two notebooks marked death. L savored the last warmth of the to-be-dead and opened the one in his unnoticeably trembling hands

_L. Lawliet_

And hidden in the seventy-third to the last page of the other black book that now had fallen, an appropriately-long passage filled the lines in neat writings.

_Yagami Raito. Heart Attack._

_20XX Year, X Month X Day_

_Speaks with a dear person_

_Watches said person fall_

_Smiles triumphantly_

_Declares a truth_

_Meets a girl_

_Waits for someone_

_Is shocked_

_Realizes that his plan failed_

_Listens to explanation_

_Seems horrified by his failure_

_Admits a drastic truth_

_Tries to kill the people around him_

_Gets shot_

_Demands favors from a horrifying creature_

_Betrayed by an apathetic apple-loving fiend and died as a result of such betrayal_

Lying on the ground in the last few seconds on his life, Raito laughs at the realization of how twisted his life was and how wonderfully it turned out.

It was funny – that he should appreciate a life in which he must die so young.

And L watched with apathetic eyes that hid the sorrow softened by the knowledge that it will only be a matter of time–

_Even if I kill you, I still cannot help loving you._

And it was twenty-three days later, when counting his last forty-five seconds, that L finally shed the tears that he had held back for Raito.

_But don't worry, I'll be joining you soon._

**The End**


End file.
